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Joke of the Day

"The buildup of carbon emissions in the atmosphere is a great icebreaker."

"Dear guy who invented taking pictures of yourself in a mirror with a cell phone: Do you see what you've done? I hope you're happy."

"I'm going to pay a stranger to cut my head hairs. This is normal and I'm normal for doing it"

"The Patriots were impressive last night You don't win a game like that with Luck alone"

"I'd do anything to never be hungover again Except stop drinking"

"There's a new all girls music group that writes songs about the internet. It's called Broadband."

"[office meeting] BOSS: Printer ink is costing us a ton. Any ideas on how to cut costs? SQUID: *looks up from phone* Why y'all lookin' at me?"

"I used to be a head chef. I guess it's just part of being a cannibal."

"Who do blind kids boo at wrestling events? John Cena."

"Weather man said all you need today is sunglasses and sunscreen but I think I'll put some clothes on too."