204022

Joke of the Day

"Light a fire for a man and he'll be warm for the night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn't be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn't waste thousands of them in the '80s throwing them at Mario."

"You realize kids in other countries make Air Jordan's and iPhones right? -Me responding poorly to my kid's homemade Father's Day gifts."

"""How many televised singing competitions are too many?"" ""I don't know, let's find out!"" - Television executives"

"It's like my nana always used to say: If you really hate him that much, just marry him and then get fat."

"Apparently we can't call it crowbars anymore. Its actually jackdawbars"

"In the English language, ""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" mean the same thing. Unless you are at a funeral."

"Where did I take my pet Cow on Valentines Day? To the Moooovies"

"I'm not single and I'm not committed... I'm simply on reserve for the one who deserves..."

"[OC] Why couldn't the dragon breathe fire? He had a cold"