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Joke of the Day

"Why you don't ask grandma sex questions I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, ""No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."""

"""Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it."" -Me lying to someone who's pointing out a constellation"

"[spelling bee] ""your word is... death"" can you use it in a sentence? ""in most states, yes"""

"""Nurse, I need 10 cc's of fluid, a scalpel and 100+ retweets about this kid from a celebrity on Twitter. STAT!"" - 2013 doctor"

"Did you hear about the Hunger Games character who got eaten alive in the Middle East? Poor Peeta..."

"What did the redditor say to the other redditor? Yes."

"TIL There is a man who is afraid of negative numbers He would stop at nothing to avoid them."

"My astronomy professor told me I was his star pupil."

"""You're better than that"" is almost never true"

"Her: Hi, I'm Jane Me: I'm Christopher, but everyone calls me Dick for short. Her: How do you get Dick from Christopher? Me: You Ask nicely."