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Joke of the Day

"""Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it."" -Me lying to someone who's pointing out a constellation"

"What do you call 2 horses side by side in a stable? Neigh-bours."

"If you ever get attacked by a bear, throw your shark at it. Also, get a shark."

"""Doctor, I have an embarrassing medical problem..."" NSFW Well, what is it?"" asks the doctor. ""I have five penises."" ""Five penises!,"" exclaims the doctor, ""How does your underwear fit?"" ""Like a glove!"""

"Watching Finding Dory & her parents call her ""cupcake."" How do they know what that is? This movie doesn't seem very realistic, you guys."

"This girl told me she liked to be teased in the bedroom so we laid down and I said her new glasses looked stupid and she starts crying. wtf?"

"Why do Buddhist monks have such sour faces? Because they're acetic."

"Found my son and his girlfriend naked in his room. And I was like ""*Sex-education* is so advanced now that they also give homework!"""

"What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle? The road."

"Brother: *calls* Can you pick me up at the airport tomorrow? Me: Sure. Can't wait to see you. Him: I land at 5 AM. Me: I have no brother."