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Joke of the Day

"What does Saddam Hussein and little Miss Moffat have in common? They both had curds/Kurds in their whey/way!"

"Ladies, I don't understand this childish obsession with unicorns. The horn isn't there for shits and giggles. They spear and kill shit."

"1. that's not a pregnancy test, and 2. you're pissing on my flash drive"

"[the boss walks by my desk and catches me looking at sonic anime] Me: the hackers are at it again. I was trying to visit church. com"

"Come here and listen close and carefully, I'm going to slowly explain what condescending means? Go ahead and take notes if needed."

"Whether you are a pile of rubble or dust in the wind... ...depends on how you were razed."

"Is it necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down? Not all of us are surgeons."

"My father said to me: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.' So I sent him to a boarding school in England."

"Why are men better cooks than women? Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months."

"There is a huge body of evidence to support the notion that me and the police were put on this earth to do extremely different things."