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Joke of the Day

"What do you call salesman with a lisp? Rodger. He's the one with the lisp, not you, so why would you call him anything different?"

"Cop: Tell us what you know! Me: Penguins are monogamous creatures with noted cases of bisexuality Cop: *typing up his science report*"

"What's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator ? ... Have you ever heard a refrigerator fart when you pull out the meat?"

"My friend asked me why I still buy vinyl. I told him 'Records are always a sound purchase.'"

"Girls have an unfair advantage over men: If they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb."

"There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking."

"Did you hear about the sensitive thief? He took a fence."

"I used to be afraid of flying in planes But nowadays I insist on one."

"I was bored at work yesterday, so I gave a colleague a clock and told him to give it to someone else. I had to do something to pass the time."

"The school phoned me today and said, ""Your son's been telling lies."" I replied, ""Well, tell him he's bloody good - I ain't got any kids!"""