140207

Joke of the Day

"""Opening a llama acting school called 'Save the Drama for your Llama."" ""No, I mean where do you see yourself in 5 years with this job?"""

"Looks like the Indian bakery nearby is going through some tough times... ... I've just heard they've fired all Naan-essential staff."

"I heard that Yoga class was a great place to meet women So I went every day for three months. Bad news is I didn't meet a girl. Good news is I can now give myself a blowjob."

"What does Santa listen to while delivering presents? sleigh-er"

"Judge: Your charge is burning down your neighbors house Me: Your Honor they hung baskets of plastic flowers on their porch! J: Not Guilty!"

"Just as bugs are drawn to bright lights, so are my toes drawn inexplicably to hard objects."

"[spelling bee] Your word is ""pneumonia"". ""Can you use it in a sentence?"" Of course, you can use any word in a sentence. No more hints."

"Hear about the constipated mathematician? Worked his logs out with a pencil."

"""oh holy crap this farmer just crucified a dude, maybe we shoud stay away from this farm"" - what crows realy think when they see a scarecrow"

"[sex in car] ME: Remember when you could do this without fear of strangers watching? BF: Yes UBER DRIVER: Would you like a water?"