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Joke of the Day

"Sigmund Freud walks into a... ~~breasts~~ bar"

"Apparently telling someone you'll catch their next wedding is unacceptable, whatevers."

"I'll never forget my grandfathers last words to me before he kicked the bucket. He looked me in the eyes and said, ""Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""

"Whenever someone asks if I'm a robot I tell them no I'm androidgynous."

"""well i asked asked her to move in after 3 months but i don't think-"" [cop interrupts me] do you know how fast you were going IN YOUR CAR"

"So I saw that the new dinosaur in Jurassic Park is a hybrid Guess that makes it Priustoric"

"An eight-year-old kid says t his dad ""When I grow up I want to be a musician."" The dad says ""I am sorry -- can't have it both ways."""

"You can't make racist jokes No-one likes dark humour"

"In the UK we celebrate Thanksgiving as the day we managed to ship all our paranoid religious fundamentalists off to another continent."

"A recruit examines the food served to him in the batallion dining room. - Do I have any choice here he asks a sergeant. - Yes you do. You may eat it or not."