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Joke of the Day

"-buys lottery ticket -fantasizes about winning the lottery -smiles -loses lottery -resumes general hatred for life"

"My girlfriend is the squareroot of -100. She's a 10, but it sucks because she's imaginary."

"I was wondering why it gets bright even before I see the sun rise in the morning. Then it dawned on me."

"People always talk about starting families... But no one ever talks about finishing what they started."

"Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it"

"Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there how many eggs will there be? Fred: None! Fred (surprised): Why not? Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!"

"The past 2 hours I spent at the mall would have been a lot more constructive if I looked for gifts instead of staring at mannequin nipples."

"Being asked to be best man is like being asked to make love to the queen. On the one hand it is a great honour, but you dread the moment when you have to rise to perform."

"Q: What do you feed an invisible cat? A: Evaporated milk."

"You know what's pretty much the same as 9/11? 0.81818"