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Joke of the Day

"You can't make everyone happy. You aren't a jar of Nutella."

"The word resume has fireworks coming out of it to help with the pronunciation yet we're left to fend for ourselves with colonel?"

"How are marriage and commiting suicide the same? You are really good at it if you have only had to do it once. Edit: Joke idea taken from a /r/showerthoughts post."

"What did Republican Jesus say to the masses? We can't feed all these people! That would only create dependence."

"Who is Nickelback's biggest fan? Helen Keller."

"Some guy at a party asked me, ""Who's cheese is on those chips?"" [Fixed] And I said, ""Well, obviously *na-chos*."" Get it? It sounds like '*not yours*' with an accent."

"cocaine jokes cracks me up all the time"

"What did the pirate say with the steering wheel in his pants? Arrgh, it's driving me nuts!"

"Me and my brother buried the hatchet last night! We dumped the hooker in the lake though."

"6.9 is a very good thing fucked by a period."