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Joke of the Day

"Who is Nickelback's biggest fan? Helen Keller."

"[Witness Protection Program] So the more ordinary, mundane your new name is, the easier it'll be to blend into your new- BUBBLENUTS McFUNKY!"

"Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student? Because education pays off in the long run!"

"Emailing professors be like Me: *polite greeting, multiple paragraphs, perfect grammar* Professor: ""sure"" -sent from my iPhone"

"Her: *flipping pages* Ya know, everything doesn't have to be about you Me: but that's my autobiography"

"How long is one minute? It depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on."

"Dad do you like baked apples? Yes son why? The orchard's on fire."

"What do performing oral sex on a constipated woman and working for the Mafia have in common? One wrong slip of the tongue and you'll probably wind up in deep shit."

"I met a girl with 12 nipples today! Sounds fun.. Dozen tit"

"Alien Invasion Will an alien invasion affect my plans for world domination?"