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Joke of the Day

"How are marriage and commiting suicide the same? You are really good at it if you have only had to do it once. Edit: Joke idea taken from a /r/showerthoughts post."

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"Tower: Mission triple-three do you have problems? Pilot: I think I have lost my compass. Tower: Judging the way you are flying you lost the whole instrument panel.."
"How many babies does it take to paint a wall?? Depends how hard you throw them."
"There's no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you're blowing up a rubber glove."
"How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints."
"I just found out that a gay friend of mine is OCD He was the last person I expected to get upset about something not being straight."
"Best amputation jokes? Friend has bone cancer, may be getting an arm amputated. We have run ""I'd give my left arm"" and ""Single-handedly"" puns into the ground, and we need more amputation jokes."
"Why is everyone afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!"
"Women who bleach their mustaches, clearly don't understand the problem with mustaches."
"What are the two fastest things in the world? Second fastest: your butthole snapping shut. Fastest: That little drop of water..."