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Joke of the Day

"This guy's ""game"" is so bad, He can't get pussy from a dead cat."

"12yo son forgot his electric toothbrush -- so now he has to MOVE HIS ARM to brush his teeth. His protest was legendary."

"Why couldn't we get precise kinetic data on the phosphine-catalyzed reaction? The reaction rate was too phos-phor-us"

"Did you ever wonder what happen to the ""Dude you're getting a dell"" guy Apparently he works at target now trying to get people to buy Adele's cd."

"Tit for tat My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, ""Well Shona? Do you think you'll be next?"" We settled this quickly once I started doing the same to them at funerals."

"Did you know that 82% of women have used vibrators? The other 18% have new ones..."

"""Fig Newtons: they're like a funeral in your mouth!"""

"Why don't kleptomaniacs ever get puns? The take everything, literally."

"Me: It's not illegal to be rude to cops. Them: Well, if you poke a bear, what do you expect? Me: That's why we don't make bears cops."

"Wish I was rich enough to own a room full of bees & if someone upset me I could order my muscular butler to ""Take them to the Bee Room!"""