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Joke of the Day

"How Can You Tell When The NSA is Monitoring Your Computer? The power is on and you're connected to the internet."

"My daughter is the perfect height for using an umbrella to simultaneously keep her dry and for me to lose an eye from one of its corners"

"What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line."

"How do you get 100 babies into a phone booth? with a blender. how do you get them out? with a straw."

"So I proposed to my girlfriend at a funeral today. She wasn't happy. Apparently I killed the mood."

"They asked if I could perform the castration. I said I could pull it off."

"If you want to hide your face, go out naked."

"Two blondes are waiting at a traffic light One says ""It's green."" The other ponders a few seconds, then replies ""A frog"""

"How do you take the letter ""f"" out of the word ""way""? There is no f in way"

"*swallows pride* *reads the label* 'this pride may contain nuts* oh no *swells with pride*"