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Joke of the Day

"You better watch out... ... 'cause I know Jiu Jitsu, Tae Kwon Do, Kung Fu, and about 12 other Chinese words!"

"[god designing humans] Angel: there was a mix-up at the factory. The intestines are way too long God: *stuffing em all in there* I got this"

"Why didn't DiCaprio laugh at Oscar joke? Because he didn't get it."

"How did the hipster drown? he jumped in the mainstream"

"The other day I saw a midget climbing down a prison wall... He was a little condescending"

"What is a parrot's favorite game? Hide and Speak!"

"Nature is full of strange creatures: carnivororous plants, birds that can't fly, white people with dreadlocks"

"Why don't you put eggs in a microwave? Because they eggsplode. :D"

"I hope fashion in the future isn't all like, weird metal bird outfits. Cuz a bunch of mine just got stolen."

"*Orders pizza* What a night *Phone buzzes* And a text? Killing it *checks phone* ok that was the pizza confirmation but still cruising"