139411

Joke of the Day

"confucius say when you take old hooker to all you can eat seafood you walk away with a big bag of crabs"

"If the band Toto, drummer Tommy Lee & singer Marvin Gaye ever got together and made an album... ...I'm pretty it would be Toto Lee Gaye."

"What did the Asian police dog say to the robber? Fleas!"

"If I ever go missing,,, I hope they put my photo on bottles of OCD medication, cuz you know those people won't stop looking."

"Drumpf's presidential campaign in reverse: an increasingly laughable story of an egomaniac running for an office he couldn't possibly win"

"So I bought shoes from a drug dealer today... I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day!"

"Why are Women and Children evacuated first in a Disaster? So we can think about a solution in silence."

"Just once I want to see ""Soooo many animals harmed in the making of this movie. Like, SO many. An insane amount. Too many, probably."""

"BARTENDER: I think you've had enough sir. DRUNK: I just lost my wife buddy! BARTENDER: Well it must be hard losing a wife.... DRUNK: It was almost impossible!"

"A blonde chick gets a tattoo... of a conch shell on her inner thigh. ""Why did you get that tat in that spot"" her friend asked her. ""So that when you put your ear against it you can smell the ocean."""