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Joke of the Day

"Next dude that complains about the friendzone will be step-son zoned. I will literally marry your dad and step-son zone you. Try me."

"I once got so drunk I put shaving cream on my face & used an electric shaver. Then poured a glass of wine on my face b/c I had no aftershave"

"Who said ""Shiver me timbers!"" on the ghost ship? The skeleton crew."

"Nobody on this train is decent enough to give up their seat for a pregnant woman & now I gotta stand here w/my sweater balled up in my coat."

"My therapist said I need to find a new hobby. Besides pissing off therapists."

"what did one orphan say to the other Robin, get in the batmobile"

"Treat her like a lady and she'll show you her inner slut."

"You know what sucks? A vacuum! You know what else sucks? An overused, crappy joke."

"Memo to self: Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you've Gone Commando a few times in your life."

"Bacon and eggs walk into a bar The bartender says ""get out, we don't serve breakfast here"""