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Joke of the Day

"welcome to hipster church. this is my body *bites vegan cookie* this is my blood *sips garage-brewed IPA*"

"What do you call a cappuccino from Dunkin Donuts? A crappucino."

"if I ever go missing, it won't be hiking. you guys don't even have to look there."

"*flexing arms* I'd like you to meet my two good friends, Sledge and- ""Hammer?"" Holy shit that's way cooler.. I was gonna say Sledge 2"

"Knock knock? Who's there? ...It's Johnny, grandma... A single tear rolled down the boys face. Alzheimers was taking its hold on her."

"A dog made out of diamonds is everyone's best friend."

"What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves. Nah, I'm just kidding. He hasn't opened it yet."

"what did the jewish child molester say? hey kid, wanna buy some candy?"

"Did you hear the one about the two homosexual homeless men? Fucking bums"

"What do you call a bad circumcision? A rip off.."