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Joke of the Day

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. (read it out loud if you do not get it)."

"After nine years of being together, I finally got down on one knee. And begged her to take it up the arse."

"He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it's all screaming and shit."

"My wife said: Pls go to shop & buy a carton of Milk & if they have eggs, get six. I came back with Six cartons of Milk & told they had eggs."

"""U put on suntan lotion?"" ""No"" ""Youll get sunburned!"" *sun descends, his voice echoes loudly* ""NICE BICEPS BRO, UR LIL SISTER LOAN EM TO U?"""

"Find someone who can make you happy, like a doctor or pharmacist....basically anyone who has access to mood-enhancing drugs."

"You god damn morons. All these celebrity nudes were leaked by the Illuminati to distract us from important shit like karate and hoverboards."

"My girlfriend was going to take my last name when we get married... but now we're changing it to Clinton so we can get away with anything we want"

"I recently got to college and I'm not sure why everyone's talking about Addy. Rune is so much better."

"I like to make lists. I also like to leave them laying on the kitchen counter and then guess what's on the list while at the store. Fun game"