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Joke of the Day

"Was surprised when my son came out the closet yesterday... I didn't think he could break through that lock."

"How many Redditors does it take to change a lightbulb? 1000 One to change it and 999 to walk into the same room and change the same light bulb without checking to see if it needed changing first."

"(First Day as Mailman) ME: *wearing a suit made out of stapled together pieces of mail* Sup? BOSS: You're supposed to deliver those. ME: No."

"ENGLAND: people are CROSSING OUR BORDERS for ECONOMIC ADVANCEMENT!!! THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED WORLD FROM LIKE 1583 to 1997: u don't say"

"What does Colonel Mustard's Mexican maid call him? *(Phonetically-ish)* Mis'ser Dijon."

"My sons joke - if you've a cricket ball in one hand, and a cricket ball in the other hand. What have you got? A big cricket."

"What's the difference between like, love and lust? Spit Swallow Gargle"

"The guy who invented the crossword is buried in my town's cemetery... His grave is the 7th one down and the 3rd one across."

"What do you call a woman that doesn't make me a sandwich? An ambulance."

"Get student loans so that you can go to college and get a job to pay off your student loans."