138709

Joke of the Day

"Why did the fisherman keep taking off? Because he was fly fishing."

"Told my mum someone had been shot and she asked with what? I wanted to reply 'with a cutlass' but I want her to pay for masters..."

"Why shouldn't you listen to people who have just come out of the swimming pool? Because they are all wet."

"What's a Catholic's favorite way to send money? PayPal"

"Next year for Halloween I think I will be a dead chrysanthemum.... Then when people ask ""WTF are you"", I will reply and say ""I am a chrysanthemummy!"""

"I was supposed to make a Mayweather joke but it ran away."

"Maybe you should get your own life so that you can leave mine alone, bitch."

"The projected sales figur- *phone buzzes* the proj- *buzzes again* *checks phone* Excuse me for a moment gentelmen I'm being owned online"

"Children of ISIS have been complaining of the heat and the leaders didn't know what to do... lucky for them, they were able to recruit Italian ISIS. credit goes to Jerry Seinfeld for the idea."

"Is it 5 seconds from when it hits the floor or when I see it? I just noticed a skittle under my desk. I don't remember eating skittles."