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Joke of the Day

"The label of this bag of roasted peanuts includes a warning that they come from a plant that processes peanuts"

"If you ever see a movie where a woman is depressed and she has shaved legs that movie is bullshit."

"I was going to join the Preoccupy New York protests... but I have better things to do."

"What's your favorite word? 5-Year-Old: Empathy! I don't even know what it means! Me- I know how you feel."

"Toy Story (1995) - A influential local leader harasses an immigrant who is struggling to adapt to local customs."

"Have you see the film about the guy who can't stop crywanking? It was a tearjerker."

"A woman files for divorce from her husband... citing that he makes too many Star Wars puns. When asked if this is true the husband says, ""Divorce is strong with this one."""

"Police: Cover me Rookie: ok [pulls out guitar] Every little thing she does is magic"

"A man died today when a pile of books fell on him.!!! He only had his shelf to blame.,,,,"

"They say we know more about the surface of Mars than we do about the bottom of the ocean which is still twice as much as I know about the second page of a Google Search"