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Joke of the Day
"How can you make a small fortune? start with a big one"
Next Joke
"HAD LOTS OF ESPRESSO. TWEETING FROM THE MOON. I LIVE HERE NOW. IT IS NOT MADE OUT OF CHEESE. 1 OUT OF 5 STARS: NOT RECOMMENDED"
"Rather than trying to ""change"" your passwords, accept them for their imperfections and they will grow stronger than you can possibly imagine"
"I'm going to take all of your tweets that make absolutely zero sense and combine them to make a Red Hot Chili Peppers song"
"I have a silly friend named Oedipus... He's a stupid motherfucker."
"[Lie detector] ""You claim you can move an object by saying just one word. Is this true?"" - Yes *needle going nuts* ""I, sir, have been owned"""
"10 year old: What was it like? Me: What was what like? 10: Being alive in the 1900's? Me: Go to your room."
"Whats an intercourse? Something you do between the periods."
"Woman's world cup- USA vs JAPAN who gives a fuck..."
"Kids want a dog, told em I can only keep 4 things alive, them & the plant. If we add a dog something will die & I cant be sure its the plant"