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Joke of the Day

"Kids want a dog, told em I can only keep 4 things alive, them & the plant. If we add a dog something will die & I cant be sure its the plant"

"I used to be confused by the quote ""with age comes wisdom"", but now that I'm older, I think I've finally figured it out."

"Two prostitutes are walking down the street... One turns to the other and asks ""have you been picked up by the fuzz yet?"" The other replies ""No, but I've been slung around by my tits"""

"Something only a guitarist can say I broke a g-string fingering A minor."

"What did the gay guy, say to the man at the bar? Can I push your stool in?"

"WOW! You do a dazzling imitation of a blithering idiot! Oh... You're being serious, about your love for your TC? Oh dear, this is awkward."

"A guy walks into a bar ""Ow,"" he says."

"I'm in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend's in the future."

"Why was Stalin literally worse than Hitler? Because Hitler at least wrote his own books"

"As we develop robots, we should make them out of pretzels or cotton candy that way if they become self aware we could just eat them"