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Joke of the Day

"Kids want a dog, told em I can only keep 4 things alive, them & the plant. If we add a dog something will die & I cant be sure its the plant"

"Foreigner? Why not fist her? Badoom TSSSSssT! (Say it out loud)"

"What do you call a kid with no friends (warning offensive) A sandy hook survivor."

"a waiter walks up to a table of yentas and asks, ""is ANYTHING alright?"""

"Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back."

"The rotation of the earth Really makes my day"

"A man once thought he'd discovered a new primary color but it proved to be merely a pigment of his imagination."

"I want to tattoo ""platform 9 and 3/4"" over my ass 'cause you wouldn't think you'd get in there but you can Edit:words"

"Vader: Remove my helmet so I can see you with my own eyes. Luke: OK. Vader: On second thought, don't. I have 30 years worth of hat hair."

"[OC] A man goes on the hunt.... for the seven men involved in his father's murder. The man kills them all. I guess you could say his father was... ""Avenged, Sevenfold."""