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Joke of the Day

"No matter how much you loved them if a family member or pet comes back from the dead don't dilly dally kill them immediately"

"What's better than winning the Paralympic gold medal? Not being in the Paralympics"

"[Interrupts the wedding vows] it's open bar right?"

"Sitting outside the dentist office eating Oreos, b/c I think everyone should earn their pay."

"I heard Bill Cosby made a sex tape.... Twice as strong as duct tape."

"folks we use a Mouse to browse a web. what are we on the internet or in a barnyard here. cmon damnit."

"If I had a dollar for every person who found me unattractive... I'd buy the htc vive, because who the fuck cares if your ugly when you have VR."

"What is zero in Roman numerals? Nothing"

"How many Nazis does it take to screw in a lightbulb?? One. He makes three Polacks do it at gunpoint."

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh! ... I'll show my way out"