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Joke of the Day

"[in Paris] Will you have sex with me? ""No monsieur."" Okay, like, I don't speak French. BLINK ONCE FOR NO AND TWICE FOR YES."

"COACH: You miss 100% of the shots you take. ME: You mean, don't take? COACH: No. You are, by far, the worst athlete I have ever seen."

"Girl, are you Sodium Hydroxide? cause you basic."

"Had this weird dream last night that I was Superman, but I was only able to fly really low to the ground because I'm chubby."

"I grew up in a small town that only had one general store, one bar and one prostitute. Mum found it pretty hard working three jobs"

"Yes I have exams. No, I'm not easily distracted. Yes, my shadow is interesting."

"If you were in a race with vegetables You would need to get a head of lettuce"

"Snitching is common in Thompkins Square Park It's full of rats"

"just got mad and flipped a table but it spun all the way around in landed right side up. everyone in Applebee's is clapping"

"What's ISIS's favourite song? Niggas in Paris"