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Joke of the Day

"[demetri martin] A drunk driver is very dangerous. Everybody knows that. But so is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive. ""Go left."" -""Dude those are trees."" ""trust me."""

"Whenever I stub my toe I automatically blame and hate the next person I see."

"Today I asked the gamer what his new year's resolution is. He said ""1920 x 1200"""

"How many Romans does it take to screw in a light bulb? V."

"if you haven't been called a racist on the internet you haven't been using the internet"

"How many bees are there in the world? A buzzillion."

"Father Christmas: All right my good lady my face is my ticket. Box office attendant: Then you'd better watch out... there's a feller inside who has the job of punching the tickets."

"What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? ..............you pull the pin and throw it back!"

"She called me ugly I called her an ambulance"

"Last night,my friend changed all my contacts in my phone.I've been texted by Batman Donatello,Hermione Granger.I have no idea who they are."