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Joke of the Day
"Whenever I stub my toe I automatically blame and hate the next person I see."
Next Joke
"Every time I text this guy, he replies with ""Sorry, I'm driving."" It's been a few days. I'm guessing he's probably made it to Mexico by now."
"Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday."
"I use green hand soap because I like to imagine I just jerked off a leprechaun"
"A set of jump leads walk into a bar... The barman looks at them, and says, ""Alright, I'll serve you, just don't start anything."""
"Some people are like 5yr olds, they shake heads in agreement, but you KNOW by the look in their eyes, they have no clue what you just said."
"It's my wife's birthday soon. She said she wanted something with diamonds so I got her a deck of cards."
"What do you call a milf barista? Joe Mama"
"What's up in the sky, oh so high? A baby falling out of an airplane."
"They should make a weed strain called ""WMD"" Except it turns out it doesnt exist"