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Joke of the Day
"People say that Twitter is pointless but it's teaching my children to be self sufficient."
Next Joke
"If you hear someone sing Jingle Bells and you don't respond with Batman smells then I don't wanna be friends with you."
"What does suicide and marriage have in common? (This one needs work...) Permanent solution to temporary problem."
"TIFU by reading a TIFU I forgot they're always horrible. Tl;dr: TIFU = bad"
"Nobody under the age of 23 has any recollection of life before the internet. I hope that fact makes you vomit like it did me."
"What do you do to a dog that doesn't obey your commands? You kill it."
"Hitler must be the best Call of Duty player ever He killed 6 million and only died once"
"I accidentally pooped my pants during a 5 hour long company meeting today. It was super embarassing, but a man's gotta doo when a man's gotta doo."
"Why did my ex gf Fav my tweet where I announced that I got laid off. Why did you do that sharon"
"50 Cent released an album in Zimbabwe You probably haven't heard of it, because he debuted under the name ""Million Dollar Man"""