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Joke of the Day

"Negative people There is a special place for all the negative people in the universe. It's called the 3rd Quadrant."

"You'll find there's truly so much beauty in the world if you'll just look at the right desktop wallpaper websites"

"My wife took me to the most amazing 3D movie I had ever seen last night. Half way through it I realized: we were at a play."

"Did you hear about the terrorist comedian? He bombed on stage."

"What is the difference between roast beef and pee soup? You can roast beef."

"Your mom and a washing machine... Whats the difference between your mom and a washing machine?? The washing machine doesnt follow me around for a week after I drop a load in it..."

"How many Liberals does it take to change a lightbulb? The light bulb doesn't want to change and you should stop forcing it to do what it doesn't want to do."

"ME: Good date? FRIEND: Ok. Until he got undressed ME: Then what? FRIEND: [sticks out pinky finger] ME: Ah. Then he drank tea in a fancy way"

"Cahoots Husband comes home at night, goes to bed to his wife, embraces her - going to make love with her... Wife drowsily: *What are you all today - in cahoots or something?*"

"Close your eyes. Now imagine a peaceful meadow. That meadow represents your betrayal. I told you to close your eyes, but you kept reading."