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Joke of the Day

"Why did the flume ride need repairs? Because it got waterlogged."

"PUTIN: If your American lover is in this room I'll kill him ELENA: He's not! PUTIN: (softly) u...s... [bursting from closet] A! USA! USA!"

"Girlfriend: Ok you hang up :-) Boyfriend: No You hang up first :-) Girlfriend: no you first Boyfriend: No you first NSA: both of you hang up"

"Got a text from my girlfriend, thespacebuttonisfaultyonthisphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative.' I wonder what ternative' means?"

"Two guys playing poker. One guy not doing anything. Why? He was cardboard."

"The preacher tells me today... "" I hardly see you in church. You need to join the army of the Lord"". I said... ""I am. I'm in the secret service"""

"What kind of bus can cross the ocean? A Columbus."

"Jokes I made up I might keep adding onto this if it gets popular enough :) Q: What did the man say while holding a square shaped clock? A: I'm holding Time Square!"

"I'm so tired I could sleep a horse"

"I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?"