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Joke of the Day

"Praying is a lot like masturbation. It feels good to the person doing it but does nothing for the person being thought about."

"Dear Week, I'm so over you. I'm leaving you for your best friend, Weekend. Don't try to find us for at least 2 days."

"Why don't television shows say, ""You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?"""

"So Bill Cosby and Darren Sharper walked into the bar... I would tell you what happened next but for some reason I can't remember a thing from that night."

"Imagine me sitting alone, pouting in a wedding dress with a defeated slump and unwrapping and eating a Snickers bar. That's my fetish."

"I was gonna make a gay joke... Butt fuck it"

"Should have been called ""Star Wars: The Missing Force Kin"" Because it's all about looking for her Jedi brother."

"My pants are so tight I'm legitimately afraid they won't fit if I miss a day of shaving my legs."

"I was at a hat shop and the sign read, ""ALL CAPS MUST GO!"" ...and I thought what hypocrites!"

"That moment when you leave a store but don't buy anything, and you're telling yourself, ""act natural, you're innocent."""