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Joke of the Day

"So the American people's choices for President of the United States will most likely be Donald Trump or Hilary Clinton. That's it. That's the joke. There is no punchline."

"George Carlin appeared to me in a dream and asked me ""How can there be such a thing as a one-way street when you can obviously cross a street either way?"""

"Imagine if Hannibal was a university professor I'd love to go to a Hannibal Lecture!"

"GURU: You have achieved the state of sakrdagamin: you will reach nirvana within seven lifetimes ME: [slipping him a $20] How about six"

"What's small and green and smells like pork? Kermit's Finger."

"I've survived enough awkward high-fives to know they're not worth the risk"

"I asked a chinese girl for her number She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629."""

"A girl gets fired from her job with a Vegas outcall massage service Seems she rubbed too many guys the wrong way."

"finds it funny when people who aren't friends in real life are friends on Facebook"

"Live today like it's your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn't."