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Joke of the Day

"Before I had a kid I thought, god, I wish I could say ""please put your shoes on"" 17,000 times every morning. My dreams have come true."

"Why was the ketchup in the refrigerator embarrassed? He saw the salad dressing! Thank you thank you.."

"It's true, basic white girls don't poop You need to pay for a more advanced model for those features."

"A married man and his friend are talking. Friend: how's your daughter? Man: we haven't had one yet. Friend: after last night, you will in 9 months."

"I like my women like I like my coffee.... Black and full of semen."

"A man walks into a sofa... Couch"

"Which murderer is the safest to be stuck in an elevator with? The ax murderer of course. He will always ax you before murdering you."

"AROMATHERAPY CONUNDRUM: Spilling a large bucket of Lavender oil all over your carpet: Very stressful, or very relaxing? #retweet #grief"

"There are two types of people on the planet... Those who can extrapolate information based upon the given context"

"Have you heard the rope joke? Skip it."