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Joke of the Day

"If I could pick one famous person, living or dead, to spend a day with, I'd pick Kim Kardashian,,and choose dead."

"Be careful of black ice. I rode my bike over some black ice once. I slipped and fell off, and when I looked up, my bike was gone."

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. We are efficient, and lack humor."

"I once told a woman I could give her twelve inches. I just needed to make four three inch installments."

"Went out with a blind girl last night A blind girl was jerking me off last night, and told me I had the biggest dick she's ever felt. I told her she was pulling my leg."

"I was bit by a rattlesnake last summer. After three days of excruciating pain the snake died"

"I hate when living under a rock is compared to Fox News. At least living under a rock helps me better understand the suffering of the poor."

"What do you call a Jew who gets beat by women? Bernie Sanders."

"If you squint, Pitbull looks like a grown up Tommy Pickles from Rugrats."

"It's like the only thing my kids learned from Snow White is that fruit is horribly poisonous."