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Joke of the Day

"My boss just informed me its unprofessional to tell customers congratulations when they call in to change last name due to divorce."

"Knock knock! Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I painfully waited until I was done cooking your food to take a poop?"

"I'm just saying, a cartoon character facebook pic isnt going to stop a child abuser! If you see one, call the cops, bam, done."

"What refreshing beverage will no red-blooded American male ever drink again ? ... wait for it ... an ice-cold Bruceski"

"A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge said ""What will you take....30 days or $30."" The man replied ""I think I'll take the money."""

"(from my 8 year old) What do you call a Mexican chicken giving directions? Arrows con Pollo"

"What did the mods say when they found me giving Reddit gold to my alt account? He who smelt it, dealt it."

"I went to the library today I said: do you have any books on suicide? She said: we did, but no one brings them back"

"My secret to sleeping is I put my bed outside When I go to bed I'm always out cold"

"*turns TV off* ""THEY HAD CAMERAS EVERYWHERE BUT NOBODY SAW THE TOYS WALKING AROUND?!"" - me every time I watch Toy Story 3"