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Joke of the Day

"A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge said ""What will you take....30 days or $30."" The man replied ""I think I'll take the money."""

"Shave legs ?? Bikini wax ?? Lose 10 lbs ?? Pluck eyebrows ?? Mani/pedi ?? Sexy panties ?? Ready for my big *date! *gynecologist"

"Did you hear about the guy who robbed blind people? Nobody saw it coming."

"What happened when the Jew with a boner walked into a wall? He broke his nose."

"My dyslexic friend is getting married! I'm a groomsman, but a dog is my friend's best man."

"Isaac Newton was the pride of the family until his great great grandson Fig was born."

"I was bitten by a crow, since then I've had the proportionate strength, speed, and agility of a guy who is bleeding from the head a bit"

"Pro Tip: Ask the guy sitting next to you if he's gonna freak out about you watching fetish porn before you waste $8 on in-flight wifi."

"Grad school is my excuse for everything. No text back? Grad school. Havent called in weeks? Grad school. I ate your last donut? Grad school!"

"Why can't you make a movie with with Jewish people smoking weed? You can't show a group of Jews getting baked"