137411

Joke of the Day

"I used to think Urethra was the name of a heavy metal band, until I found out it was actually a brand of vacuum cleaner."

"If I see under 30s getting married, I want to kiss them for their optimism and punch them for their stupidity."

"A terrorist posts on reddit. His post blows up. He meets 72 virgins. His day could not be better."

"a muslim couple goes hunting and accidentally shot an ape. ""ouch, that's a shame. can we eat him so he wouldn't die in vain?"" said the girl. ""no, we cant"" the guy replied. ""why?"" ""it's Haram, Bae"""

"What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?"

"Divorce & Circumcision Q: What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision? A: In a divorce, you get rid of the whole schmuck."

"4yo: Raise your hand if you are young Me: *raises hand 4yo: No, daddy, not you."

"They are making gluten free communion wafers now. I guess you eat them because they represent the beach-body of Christ."

"Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first."

"Do you think that a funeral director signs his letters with ' yours eventually'?"