205299

Joke of the Day

"What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?"

"I was gonna put on my cowboy hat and sit on my patio shirtless to showcase my abs when I realized I don't own a cowboy hat, a patio, or abs."

"Why were the potato people upset with their leader? He was a dick-tater"

"I think you should be able to plead ""humidity"" in some murder cases."

"Eating a solid brick of Ramen is probably the easiest way to remember I need to pay the water bill."

"What did the cool dinosaur say to his mating partner? Dino-mate!"

"How do clams communicate? A shell phone!"

"I told a rape joke the other day and a dude got mad. He said ""I hope you have a daughter and she gets raped so you can see how it feels."" Well I mean she'd have to survive the abortion first."

"What's a golfer's favourite song? Fairway to Heaven"

"Why does a bride wear white? So the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances."