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Joke of the Day

"The past, present, and future walk into a bar... ...it was tense."

"Hitler didn't like oranges. He hated the juice."

"Original plans for Mt Rushmore had the mouths carved open so they would scream out bats at the setting sun then eat them again at dawn."

"What do you tell someone annoying you need a moment? One sec, cunt."

"What's big, yellow, and can't swim? A school bus full of children."

"I hate how sometimes I let my guard down and then all my inmates get away."

"Spinach is like butt sex If you're forced to have it as a child; you won't enjoy it as an adult"

"Scissors [to Rock]: So you beat me & I beat Paper but how does Paper beat you? [cut to Paper meeting a hitman] Make it look like an accident"

"Numbers don't lie but they don't tell the truth either. They're NUMBERS."

"I went for an interview at a black smiths.. The black smith asked ""have you ever shoed a horse before?"" I replied ""no, but i told a donkey to fuck off"""