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Joke of the Day

"Spinach is like butt sex If you're forced to have it as a child; you won't enjoy it as an adult"

"""Sir how did you survive the snowmageddon?"" ""I stayed in"" ""Oh"""

"Just held the door for an Asian guy and he said ""Sank you"" so I punched him in the face. I can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor like that."

"After a night of heavy drinking' there's one thing I can't stand... and that's up."

"What's the difference between a musician and a suicide bomber? A musician wears his heart on his sleeve. A suicide bomber wears his spleen on your shoes."

"Policewoman: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Driver: Boobs."

"as you wonder ""where the weed at?"" a worm hole opens up in front of you and through the portal an alien arm reaches out to pass you a blunt"

"Just had a food baby, but I'm not ready for that type of responsibility so I flushed it"

"Guess who I saw today? Everyone I looked at."

"If I had 3 wishes I'd spend them on my daughter. Happiness, success and her very own little shithead who refuses to replace the TP roll."