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Joke of the Day

"[restaurant] *patpatpat* ME: you hear that? *patpatPATPAT* DATE: what the [penguin bolts out of kitchen with a fish] CHEF: SOMEBODY STOP HIM"

"I bet Melania Trump really regrets buying a speech off Craigslist now."

"Little known fact: Most Star Wars' space fights filmed in a church Pew Pew Pew"

"good jokes here http://iteslj.org/c/jokes-short.html"

"When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching?"

"When I was little, I remember falling asleep on the sofa and waking up in bed. Now that I'm older, I find myself passing out on the sofa and waking up on the floor."

"My girlfriend said to me in bed last night, 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine.'"

"1 Buy a racehorse 2 Hire a TMZ reporter as the jockey 3 Tell him a minor celebrities is drunk at the finish line 4 Win literally every race"

"Why did the man get sent to jail? Black male"

"How many babies does it take to change a light bulb? None. Babies don't have the motor skills or the depth perception to change a light bulb."