137156

Joke of the Day

"5: I want to learn drums. Me: Ok, but you have to walk them, feed them, and pick up their poop. *confused, 5 walks away I am the master."

"This girls skirt is so short I can see how many times her dad missed a dance recital from here."

"[chess tournament] RIVAL: [plays move] ME: [knocks board aside. punches rival in face] Chess! COMMENTATOR: He's won every round this way"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Althea ! Althea who ? Althea in court!"

"I was cleaning one of my garden statues and accidentally cracked part of its face I guess you could say I don't gnome eye own strength"

"A man walks into a bar with a big slab of tarmac/asphalt under his arm... The barman asks him, ""So what can I get you?"" ""I'll have a pint and eh, one for the road."""

"I'm thinking of selling my old vacuum cleaner It's been gathering dust for years."

"TIL four Chinese brothers attempted to invent the airplane but failed miserably Apparently two Wongs don't make a Wright"

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver."

"Ford Ibble A car salesman asked me, ""What are you looking for in a car?"" I said, ""It has to be affordable"" He said, ""I'm sorry sir, I've never heard of a Ford Ibble."""