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Joke of the Day

"A guy follows a cute girl into an elevator. They enter the elevator and he asks her ""Are you going down?"". She says no. Then he asks ""Would you like to?"""

"Surprises are always more fun... unless it's a baby. They tend to startle easily, so an ill-timed surprise may actually upset them."

"Thanks to advertisements I know I need to help the diseased, the pregnant and those dying of cancer... And then have a smoke."

"How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking? Slow down and use some lube"

"What do the English and Welsh have in common? Kids are their definition of a good time."

"Why do hipsters burn their lips when they drink tea? Because they drink it before it's cool."

"I'll never forget where I was when I found out I have Alzheimer's"

"Dr: do you know why you gained weight? *Flashbacks to eating fries in the car sobbing and blasting Adele* Me: no, better run some tests"

"I accidentally shot my girlfriend on a hunting trip because I mistook her for a deer in an orange vest drinking a Diet Coke."

"A man walks into the shop of a psychic barber Barber: Say no more"