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Joke of the Day

"Thanks to advertisements I know I need to help the diseased, the pregnant and those dying of cancer... And then have a smoke."

"I just got mistaken for an employee at a haunted house. Assume it's because I look authoritative not because I look like I'm wearing a mask."

"What's the difference between a liberal arts major and a pizza? The pizza can feed a family."

"What did Napoleon have up his sleevies? His armies!"

"I hate when people say my skirt looks slutty.. Like, who cares if my balls hang out a little?"

"I'm not sure about my stand on the abortion issue.... On one side, I love to kill babies but on the other side, I hate to give women a choice."

"""God is dead."" -Nietzsche ""God is Dad!"" -Jesus ""God IS, dude..."" -Stoners"

"Me: oil change plz Toyota: it'll be $39 Me: cool heres my $2 off coupon 4 hrs later T: ur steering wheel fell off total is $2900 sign here"

"Live debate - where is the ""China"" counter? Someone must be doing this :)"

"What did the dog get when he multiplied 497 by 684? The wrong answer."