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Joke of the Day

"Dr: do you know why you gained weight? *Flashbacks to eating fries in the car sobbing and blasting Adele* Me: no, better run some tests"

"""My husband's a talented voice actor & his brother's a makeup artist but nah this old lady is a different person"" -the mom in Mrs. Doubtfire"

"What's the difference between a bowling ball and a big, smelly vagina? If you absolutely had to, you could eat the bowling ball."

"Lifetime TV. For women whose own lives aren't depressing enough."

"What is a printer's favorite type of jelly? Jelly's fine, but paper jam is the best!"

"What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you drink out of that little thing?"

"what is 40 feet long and only has 3 teeth? The funnel cake line at the Arkansas state fair."

"What are Mario's pants made out of? DenimDenimDenim"

"Its girls like u that cause global warming!"

"It's alright if we're doing it all wrong. After all, we are the first generation to deal with midlife crisis by staring at our phones."