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Joke of the Day

"It's expensive to attend Amputation University... Tuition's an arm and a leg!"

"So they made the essay optional for the new SAT test... but isn't the SAT without the essay just the T"

"The current ""feminist"" movement"

"My wife asked me recently to do something to commemorate our pet dog who got run over and killed last month. So I took a shit on the carpet."

"My ex DM'd me to say I'm acting creepy then unfollowed me. Luckily, I have his password so I just refollowed myself and told him he's wrong."

"A guy with a locked account just asked me why I never retweet him. Stay in school kids."

"I googled 'Gary Oldman' and left off the 'r' It was the longest 3 hours of my life."

"Weird how my first 11 coffees tasted like coffee but the 12th one tastes like I'm having a stroke."

"What did Hitler say when he heard that the Allies were winning? AUSCHWITZ!!!"

"HALT! Hammerzeit!"