137043

Joke of the Day

"Older Brother: ""Hooray! School's out! I'm free! I'm free!"" Younger Brother: ""So what? I'm four!"""

"Just had a very thorough pat-down by a TSA agent. Now he wants to talk about my feelings, but I'm soooo sleepy."

"The south was reported to have more Ashley Madison users than any other region in the U.S. I guess family isn't always enough."

"I'm shit at telling jokes. I always punch up the fuck line."

"What's the best part of being a lesbian in 1912? Both got seats on the titanic's lifeboats."

"the only time its ok to call a black guy a nigga is when he shoots you ""dis nigga shot me!"""

"DR DOG: The vasectomy was a success. But until it's healed completely, you'll need to wear this *places cone around patient's neck*"

"Been chatting with this 14 year old girl. Real sexy and flirty. Things are going great, but now she tells me she's an undercover cop. How fucking cool is that for someone her age."

"Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics."

"When my friends told me to stop pretending to be a flamingo... I had to put my foot down."