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Joke of the Day

"Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics."

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"Grad school is my excuse for everything. No text back? Grad school. Havent called in weeks? Grad school. I ate your last donut? Grad school!"
"What moved less than Jenny McCarthy's forehead tonight? Mariah Carey's mouth."
"If you ever feel like you are worthless, just remember... You were once the fastest sperm."
"necrophiliac jokes are dead boring"
"Hey there.. Hi.."
"The cable company is sending a guy out between 1:00 and 2017."
"Oregon Trail 2016: Jayden has a gluten allergy. You can't even ford the river rn. Purchase one woke of oxen? Madison is literally dead"
"Don't Drake and drive or you'll end up at your ex's house."
"Woody Allen's version of his life will be his most brilliant fiction."