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Joke of the Day

"What does fucking your girlfriend and cooking an egg in the microwave have in common?"

"Acid... The taste you can see!"

"DOG: I think that job interview went well! *looks in mirror and sees ear was inside-out the whole time* Son of a"

"I saw a lizard and it became a spotted lizard"

"One-night stand at first, but ended up happening again... I mean, they're just so cheap at Ikea, so I had to go back to get another."

"Based on her color and size Snookie would make a great buoy."

"Why did the electrician multiply distance and voltage? Because he forgot his voltmeter at home."

"If I got karma for posts... I'd still have no karma"

"I haven't heard from DAEMON MAILER in years. I really hope he's okay..."

"When is the best time to raise money? When there's a stripper in front of you."